Lesson #5 – Kindness counts – “Respect thy Neighbor”-
Let’s face it. There is a need for more kindness towards one another in today’s world. We’re so over-exposed and with that calls for a need to be more openminded and nicer to those who we don’t know or understand. You cannot control other people’s actions, just your own and what you put out into the world. It’s important to remember that.
It’s also important to acknowledge who lives around you. Most of us have neighbors in sight everyday. Like you, your neighbor thinks of their home as a personal haven. Keep in mind there is a good chance the person on the other side of the fence, or the adjoining wall might look at you as ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Just be aware of that. I can’t say I’m the most approachable neighbor, but in the real world you don’t have to be friends with your neighbors. I just believe in kindness and feel we can all be cordial and co-exist without upset. There is no win when causing harm to another or being a deliberate jerk. We don’t have to agree, but we also don’t need to be disruptive or rude about it. Be an adult about it not a bully.
I’ll tell you a story. In between moving to the suburbs my husband and I would travel back and forth from our apartment to our new home to meet technicians, collect packages, and unload boxes. Just before the start of winter I was making one of these backs and forth trips but for the first time, by myself with the dog. It was a chilly, windy and stormy afternoon which startled me and prompted me to lock every single door and window in that house, with conviction. After the fear of being alone subsided I started to assemble my life and get ready to leave. Last order of business before my departure was taking out the trash. Forgetting I’ve locked all the doors (including the door to the garage), I successfully completed my task while simultaneously locking myself outside, without a phone, dog inside, keys inside, jacket inside, no spare key, batteries to flashlight inside. In NYC its almost protocol to ignore your neighbors. Being new to the suburbs, I’ve only met a handful of neighbors at this point so I started to panic. I begin by looking to the neighbor that always has cars in the driveway; empty, for the first / last time ever. Next, I look to the next house; no lights, she travels. Lastly, I see brake lights coming from the garage of the home across the street. We haven’t formally met. I run to their driveway waving like a lunatic desperate for a phone. Introductions and pleasantries to Mr. Neighbor as this is our first-time meeting and I realize this man probably thinks I’m insane. I learn they have 4 children and start to sweat that I’ve ambushed their date night…. Parents of 4 young kids really deserve that date night, but they got out of the car to help me. They brought me into their home, I met their 4 children and the sitter then I called a locksmith. With my insistence they make their dinner, they left to enjoy their night while I played Legos before bedtimes while I wait for my locksmith savior. I’d never felt more embarrassed and grateful at the same time to interact with neighbors.
To sound like my mother, don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you. You should be respectful of others space and personal property. We’re all in it together because it’s our community. Be nice, as nice as possible. Set boundaries when necessary. Noise Ordinances are a thing and most things aren’t soundproofed. Be realistic. We all want to feel like we’re at the show, and on top of that speaker but save that shit for your car on the highway or your headphones because we’re not all into it. Teenagers and kids are loud and sometimes obnoxious but so were you. Just in a different time. Let’s be honest with ourselves and be slightly more understanding. Be an adult, don’t be a bully. Understand, to someone we were all that annoying once. Speak with your neighbor if there’s neighborly offenses, but don’t go shaking your finger at someone yelling like a loon.
Personally, I think some things are just the Basics. Things like saying hello, respecting another’s space, being hygienic and mindful about your animals, and taking care of your things are a good start. Don’t let your friends block someone’s driveway or park on someone’s lawn. If you have landscaping conflicts, don’t handle them with power tools, hostility or a blow torch. Try to come to a sensible, mutual solution (TRY) before stirring up the makings of a war. You both still live there. So, what did we learn?
- Be an adult. Don’t be a bully.
- Pick up after your dog. Don’t let it bark all day. Work that out. Uncontrollable barking dogs are not cool.
- Keep a spare key somewhere close by to avoid an embarrassing lock out.
- Introduce yourselves to your neighbors with no expectations.
- Some people are just dicks and won’t be friendly but that’s life. Create healthy boundaries when necessary.
- Sometimes neighbors will go out their way to send you wine, or bring you cookies, and offer you leftovers without it being not creepy. Be friends with those neighbors.
- Be aware of your local town or buildings noise ordinance rules and regulations.
- As always, know your rights and call the authorities if a problem escalates beyond reasonable levels.